Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

TV's prominent comedians used their broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday jingle about the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys each thing he handles."

The focus was the controversial initiative which enables overseas citizens to acquire U.S. legal status for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" option for five million. An official page pledges processing "in record time."

"A quick message for you to wealthy immigrants: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, with hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining poll ratings amid financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.